


Time Warp

by Brambleshadow_of_WindClan



Category: Def Leppard
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, here have an old thing I wrote years ago and never finished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 03:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17994026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brambleshadow_of_WindClan/pseuds/Brambleshadow_of_WindClan
Summary: "It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll. ..."or, modern-ish AU where Def Leppard formed as a young rock 'n' roll band in the mid-2000s, they're informed that they're going on tour with a certain new boyband on the block, and...thingshappen when Sav decides to make fun of the fact that Joe isnottaking the news well at all.written circa 2011/2012





	Time Warp

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is?? This is pure crack and an unfinished probably-multi-chapter fic I found sitting on my flashdrive looking through my old Leppfics. Clearly not meant to be taken seriously.
> 
> Probably written circa... 2011? 2012? 
> 
> Like the summary says, modern-ish AU where instead of forming in the late 1970s, the Lepps were teenagers in and formed during the mid-2000s. I don't even remember where I was going with this plot bunny, but here, have whatever _this_ is, I guess.

“We have to _WHAT_?!” Joe Elliott yelped, staring in horror at Peter Mensch. His bandmates—Rick Savage, bass; Steve Clark, guitars; Phil Collen, guitars; and Rick Allen, drums—stopped whatever they were doing and watched the unfolding drama.

            “You heard me,” the producer said calmly, folding his arms over his chest. “You are going on tour with—”

            “No!” Joe protested vehemently. “We are _not_ going on tour with a teenybopper boy band!”

            The grin on Mensch’s face reminded Joe irresistibly of a shark. “Sorry, but you’ve got no choice.”

            “I can see us with Poison, Bon Jovi, hell, even Journey,” Joe continued ranting, “but . . . _One Direction_? Are you kidding me?!”

            “No, I’m not,” Peter stated even more calmly than before over the snickers and snorts of laughter coming from the other four Lepps.

            “Well, you might as well shoot me and put me out of my misery beforehand, because I absolutely refuse going on tour with—with  . . . _them_.” Joe crossed his arms, glaring green daggers at the producer. If looks could kill, Mensch would have died right then and there in a millisecond.

            “Come on, Joe, _Hysteria_ and _Pyromania_ are _the_ best-selling records of the decade. _Pyromania_ has already gone Diamond and _Hysteria_ isn’t that far behind.” Mensch was definitely going for the reasoning angle on this one. “What have you got to be worried about?”

            “They’re younger than us,” Joe pointed out.

            “Yeah,” Phil broke in, “but their sound sucks. Besides, how in the hell is Autotune even music?”

            “He’s got a point there,” Sav said, grinning. The bassist continued (in a creepy voice, no less), “It’s astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll.”

             The others stared at him. Joe said, with a raised eyebrow, “ _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_ , Sav? Really?”

            The bass guitarist shrugged. “Hey, don’t diss the classics. If you want to join in, I’m not stopping you.” Then he went back into the creepy voice: “But listen closely—”

            “Not for very much longer,” Joe scoffed, unwittingly quoting the next line in the song.

            “I’ve got to keep control,” Sav finished the verse, grinning evilly. “I remember doing the time warp. Drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me,” he sang.

            “And the void would be calling,” Phil chimed in through fits of laughter.

            Since the others were now picking up on the gist of the song, all five Lepps chorused: “Let’s do the time warp again. Let’s do the time warp again.”

            “It’s just a jump to the left,” Sav choked out. At that point, Peter Mensch shook his head and walked out of the room as the band followed the directions to the infamous dance.

            “And a step to the right,” Steve added with a grin as they all indeed stepped to the right.

            “Put your hands on your hips,” Joe ordered, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

            By the time they reached the chorus, they were laughing too hard to follow the instructions: “You bring your knees in tight, but it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane. Let’s do the time warp again. Let’s do the time warp again.”

            Steve and Phil, to almost no one’s surprise, sang the next verse: “It’s so dreamy, oh fantasy free me so you can’t see me, no, not at all. In another dimension, with  
voyeuristic intention, well secluded, I see all.”

            Sav flashed a smile at Joe as he sang: “With a bit of a mind flip—”

            The singer added, “You’re into the time slip.”

            “And nothing can ever be the same,” Sav finished.

            Phil interrupted, “You’re spaced out on sensation—”

            “Like you’re under sedation,” Steve said with a quick glance at his fellow Terror Twin, lips twitching as he fought back another round of laughter.

            . Again, all five Leppards chorused: “Let’s do the time warp again. Let’s do the time warp again.”

            Rick suddenly took up the next verse, fighting back laughter all the while: “Well, I was walking down the street just a-having a think when a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink. He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise. He had a pickup truck and the devil’s eyes. He stared at me and I felt a change. Time meant nothing, never would again.”

            “Let’s do the Time Warp again. Let’s do the Time Warp again,” they choked out.

            Joe, in between gasps, said, “It’s just a jump to the left.”

            “And then a step to the right,” they chorused.

            “Put your hands on your hips,” Sav said, not bothering to hide his grin.

            “You bring your knees in tight,” Steve added. Phil flashed him a teasing look before singing, “But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane.”

            “Let’s do the Time Warp again. Let’s do the Time Warp again,” the band finished, finally collapsing to the floor in hysterics.

            Their manager, once he was sure the worst was over, stuck his head back into the room. “Are you guys done doing the Time Warp? Because we really do have to leave.”

            He really shouldn’t have said that. The Leppards, who had just started to sober up, broke into uncontrollable snickers. Steve sniggered, “Let’s do the time warp again. . . .”

            Peter rolled his eyes. “Would someone please remind me why I put up with them, again?”

            No one answered, but then, he hadn’t expected one. So he shrugged and began herding cats—that is, Leppards—out the building and onto the waiting coaches.


End file.
